The Proposal

"Once in a while right in the middle of an ordinary life love gives us a fairy tale."

The love of my life gave the proposal of my dream.

Trust me on this...

I remember when I was 13, feeling incredibly insecure about the way I look. I hated my non-existent boobs, my flying mantis-shaped legs, oh and don’t forget my huge buck teeth covered by a fence of metal! (ughh the thought of it gives me shivers!) Okay I wasn’t the most attractive 13 year olds in the planet, even my mom’s friend said I was an ugly duckling.. Gee thanks!

But anyways, what I’m trying to say, similar to most girls I went through a time where I truly hated myself, hated everything about me. I remembered thinking there’s no way any guy would even talk to me.

So, being the stupid teenager that I was, I turned to internet chat rooms to get that attention.

I remembered being ‘in love’ with this guy, we used to chat everyday, every hour, every minute.

He constantly made me feel beautiful with compliments that swoon me over!

I was infatuated by him, I really thought he was my everything, he was the only one that understood me…

I wasn’t sure how old this guy was, he told me he was around 17, and I thought 4 years difference wouldn’t hurt. So we progressed to the phone and we talked pretty much every night.

I remember when he asked me to meet up with him and his friend, I was over the moon- I thought finally I get to meet the man of my dreams!

But to my horror one day my mom grabbed my phone for no reason and started reading my messages!

She was completely furious that I was talking to some strange men online and started lecturing me about how dangerous it could be! Back then I didn’t care about what she said,  I was just mad that I didn’t get to meet him. I was mad at the world, mad at God that I was made the way I was.

I wanted to be pretty, popular, I wanted boys to pay attention to me!

I’m sure this is a common story among teenagers- the desire to be accepted and loved.

Watching Trust, a film about a teenage girl who becomes a victim of sexual abuse when she befriends a man on the Internet, I felt like I was seeing my self nine years ago. But I thank God my parents found out before it was too late.

The guy that I thought I was in love with could easily be a 40-year-old sex predator!

I think teenage girls, especially between 12-16 are in their most fragile years.

Things that happened to them during that period plays a huge factor in shaping their future.

Learning from past experience, there was nothing I could do to make my boobs look bigger (other than stuffing tissues down my bra!) I'd just have to wait until it happened naturally.

Obsessing about beauty and boys is pretty natural too I guess, but I just wished that I didn't care as much! Everything I read, watch, seen endorses young girls to act, look, and dresses older than they are! Most TV shows and movies perpetuate the idea that having a boyfriend and be beautiful is a necessity.

 I really wish there were more people out there supporting the message of real beauty- that starts from within. Then these girls (including me) would learn to accept ourselves and wouldn't get caught in the web of superficiality and God forbid end up as victims of internet predators!

Take care of yourselves darling, everyday I tell my little sisters how beautiful they are! It's important for them to know and understand it, I wouldn't want them to repeat the same mistakes that I made.

With love, A